Bariatric Surgery: Not For Cheaters!

You know how people say that getting bariatric surgery is cheating in the weight loss game?  I disagree.

I have a very good friend who underwent bariatric (gastric bypass) surgery several years ago.  And let me tell ya:  It's no walk in the park!

Since she was going to stay with me for several days post surgery, she had me read up on the surgery and it's risks.  Holy healing, Batman!  This stuff was serious!  And scary!  The risks involved were downright frightening, the lifestyle changes seemed to be truly daunting, and the healing process was going to be difficult and painful, to put it mildly.

Furthermore, she couldn't just go trippin' in fur surgery as soon as she made the choice.  No sirree- She had to actually lose weight and follow strict dietary guidelines (the same ones she would be following after the surgery) for many months before her surgeon would qualify her for gastric bypass.

This, of course, naturally leads to the question,- Why go through the surgery at all?  Why not just follow those procedures until the weight is lost?

I asked this same question of my personal trainer at the time.  He seemed very sympathetic of those who chose bariatric surgery as a weight loss tool.  His answer was "Because they just eat and eat and eat and never get full".  At that point a light bulb went on in my head and I got it:  At morbidly obese weights the stomach is distended and the feeling of fullness never happens.

If you are going to stay at a healthy weight, it's very helpful to have some physical type of signal that it's time to stop eating.

I admire people who can go from morbidly obese or even super morbidly obese (which she was) to normal weight without surgery.  But I also support those who elect to have it, since I have seen first hand the sacrifice and self discipline that losing and keeping the weight off with bariatric surgery requires.

I had a front row seat to her healing process and I can tell you, it was terrible.  I felt so bad for her.  Moving was hard.  She dreaded it.  Eating was worse.  I actually had to talk her into it a few times.

As she healed, she developed complications that set her back and worried us all.  It was touch and go there for a while

She'd already lost quite a bit of weight on her own, but after the surgery weight seemed to just fall off.  She got smaller and smaller, to the point where I had a hard time finding her in a crowd.  It used to be easy- Since she was short I just looked for the widest space in the mayhem.  Now, I had to hunt her down like a bloodhound.

To her credit, she also went to the gym regularly.  She lifted weights and did cardio.  She wasn't just smaller; she was fit.

This all then, of course, made yet another problem:  Huge amounts of loose skin.

And so a year after the gastric bypass, when her doctor was convinced that she was set in her new lifestyle, he performed a body lift (removing the skin around her middle).  And again, she stayed with me for the first few days out of the hospital.   I think the healing from that was even worse than from the gastric bypass.  There were little plastic bags hanging off of her for drainage, and with an incision literally clear around her middle she had no comfortable way to sit or lay down.  But thanks to taking proper care of herself, she healed quickly.  Now she is glad she went through the whole process.

She still works to keep her health in check.  She did it right, and so many people do not.  If you are considering bariatric surgery and know you won't be committed to a true and permanent lifestyle change, I'd advise against it.  But for my friend, she was ready to do whatever was necessary to save her own life and ensure her future grandchildren have a grandma.  If that's you, do your research and then make your decision.

And for those of us who have lost weight by more traditional means (or not lost weight at all), we need to not make assumptions and instead be supportive.  Everyone has their own path to wellness.  This may not be yours, but it could be lifesaving for someone else.

Pillows and Purses

So I've griped on here (and just about everywhere else) about my bum shoulder.  I fell many years ago on the ice and severely injured it.  Then I further did it in by bench pressing with too much weight and no spotter.  Enter torn rotator cuff and months of rehab.  It got a lot better, but THEN I had a distance trainer (read: not with me personally) who urged me to do a rear delt flye with heavy weight while carb depleted. That did it.  Like a dummy, I listened to him instead of my own niggling thought that it was a mistake.  This was my fault, not his.

Needless to say, that shoulder has not been the same since.  I've been in and out injury (often to the point of being bed-ridden) ever since then.

This past year I found a trainer (in-person, thank you very much!) who has very slowly and gradually helped my shoulder recover.  He's been a blessing.  But I'd still feel that familiar tweak frequently and know it was time to ease off on the weights a bit.

Then, one day he said something to me that clicked:  "Nancy, don't wear that heavy purse on the same shoulder all the time."  A light bulb went off in my head...... Hey!  Maybe a clutch purse would do me some good!

Easy, right?  Not so much:  I am picky about purses, and, because I have a bunch of crap I truly use and need to carry with me, I need a fairly big one.  This started the months-long hunt for a roomy clutch.  It was not easy, but one day I happened across one that would work. (And in my favorite color, burgundy, to boot!)

My shoulder started recovering even more rapidly.  Hallelujah!

And then, another blessed thing happened:  I got a new pillow.

After the rear delt flye debacle, I'd frequently and suddenly wake up from a sound sleep with aching, throbbing pain deep in my shoulder. I'd wait for either the pain to dissipate (sometimes it took hours, or pain meds, or both), or to pass out again from the pain.

I'd had a suspicion for a long time that my regular pillow wasn't helping anything.  The reason I didn't buy an ergonomically correct one?  They stunk.  I mean, they literally smelled really bad.  It was chemicals.  I didn't think sleeping on chemicals was a good thing, but that was actually secondary because I was already sleeping bad enough:  Adding stink into the equation wasn't going to help anything.

After much searching I FINALLY found one with good, non-stinky reviews on Amazon.  I put it on my wish list and my husband gave it to me this last Christmas.  I've been sleeping like an injury-free baby ever since. Here is a link, in case you're curious (or convinced!).

The packaging advised to let it air out for 24 hours, which I did.   There is no stink.  And great comfort.  And sleep.  Blessed, solid, deep sleep. Not once since then have I woke up in the middle of the night with my shoulder throbbing.

I'd urge every woman I know to switch to a clutch purse (or a backpack, if that's your style), and every person to invest in a good-quality pillow designed for your sleep style. Good heavens, can these things save you a lot of physical grief!

So exercise and rehab for injury prevention and healing?  YES!  I am a believer!  But sometimes complete healing comes with small, common sense tweaks to your every day life.

It's Paid For Whether You Eat It Or Not.

It's probably my most-used catch saying: "It's paid for whether you eat it or not". I say this when someone says they feel like they are wasting food by not eating it.

Just a few minutes ago, after cutting off a big chunk off for my skinny teenage daughter, I put half of my husbands triple-layer frosted cake that I made for his birthday down the garbage disposal. Neither he nor I want it sitting around tempting us. But as I did so I was thinking to myself "My mom would think this is such a waste!". (Who can identify?)

However, what is a waste to her is an investment to me.

As my kids were growing up they were never required to finish things like french fries or dessert, even when I was flat broke and a meal in a fast food restaurant was a big treat. There's not much nutritional value in those foods, and the lesson they learned about listening to their bodies was worth the investment of purchasing the food.

And yes, I would say to them "It's paid for whether you eat it or not."

Next time you want to finish something simply because it will be thrown away if you don't, ask yourself "Is the feeling of not 'wasting' this worth it's negative effect on my body?" If the answer is no, save the thing a few steps and just throw it right in the trash.

If you are with someone else who paid for it and thinks it a waste, thank them sincerely, ask for a to-go box, and throw it out on the way home.

Because regardless of whose dime it's on, it's still been paid for whether you eat it or not.

Your Trainer Did WHAT?

Even wonder if what you trainer is doing is acceptable, or even grounds for letting him or her go? Here's my short list of what I feel you should and should not accept from a personal trainer, as well as what you can do to rectify the situation:

- Your personal trainer should make a plan according to your goals, not pull out a workout plan she's used with dozens of clients before you. This doesn't mean the trainer shouldn't have a template: We all do. It means your program doesn't look exactly like every other person your trainer works with.

- A personal trainer should push you. Not to the point of injury, but to the point where you walk away feeling like you accomplished something.

- Your personal trainer should be watching you all of the time. They may need to speak with someone quickly, but you are their main focus for the entire session.

- Your personal trainer should treat you with dignity and respect. Period.

- Your personal trainer should change up your program no less often than every 4 weeks. Part of what you are paying them for is to see change. Bodies will eventually stop responding to the same routine after a few weeks. And if you say you are getting bored, they should modify to help keep you interested.

- Your personal trainer should ask questions if you say something hurts. This will help them determine if your pain is from muscle fatigue (which, honestly, you need to accept will often happen in order to have an effective training session), or something more serious. If you know what the trainer is asking you to do is going to hurt you, the trainer should modify or change the exercise.

- Your personal trainer shouldn't be on their phone. I have kept my phone with me to use the timer on it, but as far as texting, calling, checking Facebook, or any other purpose not related directly to YOU, phone usage is not Okay. You are paying your trainer to train you, not communicate with others. (Exception: There is a potential emergency and the trainer truly does need to know right away if it happens. This should be an extremely rare occurrence, and the trainer should ask you if this is Okay with you at the start of the session. To give you an idea of how rarely this should happen, in over 10 years of being a Personal Trainer, I have had a phone with me for this purpose exactly three times.)

- Your Personal Trainer should never, ever, ever flirt with or make an overt pass at you. You might be surprised how often this happens, particularly with male trainers. Many consider getting very personal a job perk. Trust me, if he's trying it with you, it's been successful with others. It's easy, and actually quite normal, to get a "Trainer Crush". But don't be another notch in his belt loop. Even if you don't give in, is it worth other trainers thinking you are one of his conquests? (Because trust me, he's not as discreet as he claims to be.)

In many cases you can speak with your trainer about all but the last of the above issues and see if he or she is willing to fix the situation. If they aren't willing to make some changes, it's time to break up with your trainer. They may even suggest another trainer to you. Don't take this as an insult! Honestly, it just makes it easier for you. In the case that you have prepaid sessions you can ask nicely for a refund, but it's more than likely that you signed a contract. So you may be stuck working with that trainer until the paid sessions are up if you are the one initiating the break up.

If, however, it's the last point (the trainer coming on to you) that you are having an issue with, calmly and firmly offer to talk to their boss if they won't refund you by a specified time (I'd give them 3 days) for the unused sessions. And you may want to talk to their boss, anyhow.

If he or she doesn't have a boss, offer to tell your friends. Chances are you'll see a refund quickly. Even if you don't, whatever you paid him or her is not worth the loss of dignity and, quite possibly, reputation.

Managing Pushy Hostesses

You know how it is- You are at a dinner somewhere, and a well-meaning hostess decides that you just MUST try her special Batter-Dipped and Double Fried Shortening that she ONLY makes for this particular occasion.  You really don't want to derail your healthy eating plan at this particular moment, but this gal is just not giving up.  How to handle it?

The natural inclination is to tell the truth: "No thank you.  I am trying to be careful with my eating right now."  I encourage you to try this tactic first.  But as we all know, so often it does not work and the hostess seems even more dogged in her determination to have you try her fabulous delicacy, even if it means informing you of all of the virtues of her dish.

In this case, I have found two very effective solutions to this delimma, neither of which involves lying:

Solution #1- "That looks so delicious.  It looks like you put a lot of time and effort into making it. But I am simply too full right now to enjoy it.  Can I take a rain check?"  One thing I know, being a bit of a food pusher myself, is that what you most want is to feel appreciated.  This covers that base, as well as leaves hope that the person will still sample your dish.  Besides, what's she going to do?  Say no?  

Solution #2 (I only use this in the event that, for some reason, Solution #1 does not work)- "I am so sorry, but I have an adverse effect to that type of food."  This is true.  It makes me fat. If asked what that adverse effect is, you can simply answer "It's too personal to share".  Of course, the person is going to think that it makes you have massive amounts of horrible intestinal issues, but you aren't lying because, quite frankly, I'd rather not discuss this at a party, anyhow.

As a parting note, keep all of this in mind when YOU host an event.  Be sensitive and don't push when someone tells you "No, thank you."

If It's Working, Don't Change Anything!

Anyone who has read my Spark Page recently knows that I have gained more weight than I am comfortable carrying, and that a lot of this came from stress eating. But in doing the self-examination that comes along with the Spark Coach Program (which I highly recommend), I have started to think of something else that helped with my weight creeping up: I let the opinions of others change how I worked my maintenance plan.

This was really pretty stupid of me, since I am acutely aware of my own limitations and have warned others to respect theirs, as well.

I guess the reason I listened to these other folks is because they were people who had accomplished tasks fitness-wise that I really admired. I respected them. But they don't live in my skin.

The key things I stopped doing were tracking my food and weighing myself at least several times a week.

I felt like it displayed weakness if I logged my foods and didn't trust my own appetite. I saw that many of the more advanced fitness people don't need to track- They cam be accountable on their own. Surely I was at least that advanced. Right?

And I was listening to others opinions that weighing regularly was being a slave to the scale, thereby putting the emphasis in the wrong place- That the scale was a liar and didn't tell the truth.

For some people these tactics work. For me, they were borrowing trouble.

And honestly, it's no surprise that in the near-absence of these things, I began to gain weight when extreme stress hit.

The truth is, as I've written in blogs past, that my personality is one that does better with regular food tracking. I do this in a written food log. Writing things down makes me face the facts about what I am eating. This works for me, even in maintenance.

As for weighing, I really do believe that the scale is the least accurate of the gauges that we use. But it also is the most immediate source of input I have. It takes time for my pants to get tight, but the scale tells the tale right away if I overate brownies recently.

Knowing I am going to have to face the numbers on the scale frequently keeps my head in the game when it comes to my eating habits.

And the fact is that if I get much over 155, size six just can't be maintained, no matter HOW much muscle versus fat I am carrying.

So while no one should live and die by the scale, it DOES give me a very useful snapshot of how things are going.

One good thing that this recent weight gain has taught me is that I would rather be considered weak using these accountability tools and looking fit, than considered emotionally strong not using them and viewed as overweight

I don't believe that tracking and weigh frequently is for everyone. What works for you is what you need to do. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

As for me? I'm back to tracking and weighing. It's going to be work getting back to where I was, and even more work to stay there. But I remember how feeling great about my health was so very worth everything I did NOT eat. And this time, my opinion of how I need to stay there is the only one that counts.

Selective Amnesia

Yesterday, or more specifically last night, I went off the rails with my eating. 

The problem started because I was genuinely hungry later in the evening.  All  I could think about was carbs.  One trick I have to keep myself from eating once my daily food has been consumed is that I brush my teeth and put my retainer in. (I had braces a few  years ago and am very interested in keeping my teeth strait!)  I had done this, but the hunger was getting to me.  So I did something I NEVER do and took the retainer out to eat a little something.  Well, a little something turned into a LOT of something.  Ugh.

This morning I was trying to figure out what to do with my Weight Watchers Points.  In case you don't know how Weight Watchers works, you get a certain amount of points for the day based on your weight.  And then you get an additional 49 "flex points" that you can add into the week as needed. 

Yesterday was day 1 of my tracking week, so I had all 49 Flex Points still available to me at the end of the day.  However, I know that if I subtract as many as I approximate I ate last night, that won't leave me enough for the days when I go to the gym and genuinely NEED more food.  (I get ravenously hungry when I lift weights.)

I sat there and looked at my points, and thought of what I ate, and considered what I could do.  I was starting to get pretty stressed. 

It finally occurred to me to take a look at my "Good Health Guidelines" from yesterday.  These ensure that you hit certain dietary goals each day for maximum health.  And I realized that, despite thinking I'd eaten them all, I had only eaten 3 of my required 5 servings of produce.

Hmmmmm.......... Maybe if I'd of filled up on veggies I wouldn't have been so hungry.  Ya think, Nance?

At that point, I realized that to expect myself to be able to try and somehow make up the calorie difference in the following 6 days was setting myself up for failure.  I have a big appetite.   My body needs fuel.  And if it doesn't get enough I am very likely to go off the rails again.  One "blow it" this week was more than enough.

So I have made a decision to have selective amnesia.  The part I am forgetting?  What I overate.  The part I am remembering?  To check my Good Health Guidelines before I allow myself to go into my Flex Points.

As for my Flex Points, I did subtract 7, since that is the average daily amount (49 Flex Points divided by 7 days in the week equals an average of 7 points per day).  I am just going to proceed through the rest of the week like the overeating didn't happen.

In some ways I feel like I am starting over with my weight loss.  I am re-learning things I learned before and assumed I already knew.  This is really discouraging.  I get impatient with myself, because I've been here before- I should have this down, right?

But then I realize that if I continue to berate myself, I am doing nothing to help myself move forward. 

For me, this requires selective amnesia. 

And the fact that the gal in that photo has the type of body I'd like doesn't hurt anything, either.