If It's Working, Don't Change Anything!

Anyone who has read my Spark Page recently knows that I have gained more weight than I am comfortable carrying, and that a lot of this came from stress eating. But in doing the self-examination that comes along with the Spark Coach Program (which I highly recommend), I have started to think of something else that helped with my weight creeping up: I let the opinions of others change how I worked my maintenance plan.

This was really pretty stupid of me, since I am acutely aware of my own limitations and have warned others to respect theirs, as well.

I guess the reason I listened to these other folks is because they were people who had accomplished tasks fitness-wise that I really admired. I respected them. But they don't live in my skin.

The key things I stopped doing were tracking my food and weighing myself at least several times a week.

I felt like it displayed weakness if I logged my foods and didn't trust my own appetite. I saw that many of the more advanced fitness people don't need to track- They cam be accountable on their own. Surely I was at least that advanced. Right?

And I was listening to others opinions that weighing regularly was being a slave to the scale, thereby putting the emphasis in the wrong place- That the scale was a liar and didn't tell the truth.

For some people these tactics work. For me, they were borrowing trouble.

And honestly, it's no surprise that in the near-absence of these things, I began to gain weight when extreme stress hit.

The truth is, as I've written in blogs past, that my personality is one that does better with regular food tracking. I do this in a written food log. Writing things down makes me face the facts about what I am eating. This works for me, even in maintenance.

As for weighing, I really do believe that the scale is the least accurate of the gauges that we use. But it also is the most immediate source of input I have. It takes time for my pants to get tight, but the scale tells the tale right away if I overate brownies recently.

Knowing I am going to have to face the numbers on the scale frequently keeps my head in the game when it comes to my eating habits.

And the fact is that if I get much over 155, size six just can't be maintained, no matter HOW much muscle versus fat I am carrying.

So while no one should live and die by the scale, it DOES give me a very useful snapshot of how things are going.

One good thing that this recent weight gain has taught me is that I would rather be considered weak using these accountability tools and looking fit, than considered emotionally strong not using them and viewed as overweight

I don't believe that tracking and weigh frequently is for everyone. What works for you is what you need to do. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

As for me? I'm back to tracking and weighing. It's going to be work getting back to where I was, and even more work to stay there. But I remember how feeling great about my health was so very worth everything I did NOT eat. And this time, my opinion of how I need to stay there is the only one that counts.

Dealing With the Inevitable Naysayers

I haven't blogged in quite a while- I allowed someone to take the wind out of my sails for a bit, and I am sorry about that.......

Recently I had several inconsiderat things said to my about my choice to live a fit lifestyle.  It cut me to the quick, so I reached out to other fit people I know and was surprised to find out that every single one of them had been through similar things, usually many times over. I thought a blog about this might be prudent because the fact is that if you are going to choose to lead an improved lifestyle, the odds are that you are going to be met with similar comments and situations, as well.

First of all, take into consideration the physical state of the person making the comments.  If they are someone who is not in ideal shape, themselves. give that consideration before taking their comments to heart.

In light of this it stands to reason that, as my husband says, your success is probably making what they feel are their own shortcomings glaringly apparant to them.  So it's more than likely a feeling of inadequacy with themselves that leads them to say cruel or unreasonable things to you, not a true criticism of you.  So in a way they are acknowledging that they recognize your success.  For this reason, it can be taken as an off-handed compliment, if you can muster the inner strength to view it that way.

Also, bear in mind that it is NEVER your fault that someone else is not doing well in the weight loss and fitness game.  Your success cannot possibly be the reason for their non-success, regardless of how someone tries to justify it.  It is human nature to want to blame others for our own problems, so please keep that in mind when your share of criticism hits you.

Keeping all of this in mind, it's a delicate thing to know how to handle these situations.  We certainly don't want to drive people further away from changing their lives for the healthier, but on the other hand we shouldn't be targets for their frustrations, either.  I asked my friends who have also dealt with this how they handle these situations and the best suggestion yet came from my friend Tia.  She said that when critical things are said to her, she simply asks them "Why do you say that?"  This is, in my humble opinion, a brilliant strategy because it does the multiple purpose of getting the spotlight off of you, finding out where they are coming from on the off chance you might be able to help them, and getting them to reflect on their own motives.  And when done kindly, it lets them see you care about their feelings.  People can't grow when they feel attacked.  Quite frankly, I wish I'd of handled the criticisms that came my way in this manner.

Another perfectly acceptable strategy (this works particularly well when the criticism comes in a written form) is to say nothing at all.  You are under no obligation to answer a question just because someone asked it or reply to a statement just because someone said it.  And often silence says far more  than words ever could.

Also, if I had it to do all over again I wouldn't handle ANYthing by Email, letter, or text.  This is a good way to get all parties extremely upset, since your tone of voice can't be factored into the words and they can be taken in a way they were never meant.  I'd suggest, if you feel the need to communicate with someone who has written you in some way that you send them your phone number and tell them you'd much rather speak to them about it personally.  Chances are they will never call and the issue will die down, but if they do your meaning and caring will come across in your voice.  Also, people on both sides of the equation will usually type things they would never say with their voices, so for issues where it could get emotional actual talking really is the best way to go.

I hope this helps. If you are changing your health for the better and have not run into this issue yet trust me, it's coming.  Often from the least expected people.  Sometimes you will find that those you thought would be your biggest allies in your transformation will wind up being your biggest adversaries, and vice verse.  It's painful when it happens and you can't know who will say what when, but it will almost always surprise you.  If you are mentally ready for it you will hopefully be able to handle it with more grace and dignity than I did.

Stress Eating

Here's one of my big issues- Stress eating! I believe I'm far from alone and it's one of the big reasons we are getting fatter as a nation.

Let's face it- Life isn't getting any less stressful for any of us. We come up with gadgets and gizmo's and computer programs and other various "stuff" to give us more time and enable us to relax, but it never works. Why? Because if we find ourselves with a few extra minutes we don't sit down and take a break. We find one more thing to do with our day!

But as humans, a basic need we have is a to relax. Enter eating. Eating is easy and can be done on the run. You can even order food and eat it without ever leaving your car. It's an instant stress relief and often about the only pleasurable thing we do all day. So we do too much of it, in both quantity and frequency.

Add to this that, unfortunately, the bad stuff is usually the quickest to grab for the instant-pleasure rush, and next thing you know your girth is increasing. One day you look at yourself in the mirror and think "How did I get here?".

Been there. Done that. No longer fit in the T-shirt.

This is one of my hardest areas to conquer. Unfortunately, there are no easy answers to this one. I wish there were, but learning to quit stress-eating (and I am still learning!) is a process.

Don't worry- I'm not so naive as to think that you can reduce the stress in your life by much. I know as well as you do that if you could, you would. I try all the time to make life slow down and fail miserably. Life hurls stuff at you and you have to deal. Sometimes the only thing you CAN control is what goes into your mouth. So choose to have that control!

Here are a few things that I am finding useful:

- STOP EATING IN THE CAR! I have a strict I-never-ever-ever-ever-eat-while-sitting-in-a-moving-vehicle rule. Plus, if you get out of the car and go in to order your food, even if it's to take it to your destination to eat it (not to eat it in the car!), the moving around helps to raise your metabolism just a bit. And every little bit helps! (Refer to title of blog!)

- Pack food with you. This does take a little extra time, but you are worth those few minutes! I've found that if I have a good quality protein bar (Pure Protein [the small ones] and Kashi go-lean are two of my favs), lo-fat string cheese, an apple or some other kind of fresh fruit, a small pack of beef jerky, bottled water, etc. in the car I am not nearly as likely to stop and get something really fattening if I suddenly feel the need to stress-eat. The trick to this is to only pack a small amount of two or three things. I'd never bring along the entire pack of protein bars, because on a really bad day I might be inclined to eat the whole thing!

- Tell yourself you will wait. If you aren't feeling truly hungry and/or have a sudden desire for something purely sugary (or crunchy, or salty, or whatever your craving is), then you have no nutritional need for food. Assure yourself that you won't collapse from denying yourself for a few minutes. Sometimes it's helpful at this point to seek out a non-caloric drink or a piece of gum. It gives your mouth something to do. Assure yourself that if in 20 minutes you are still needing something to munch on you can always stop and eat. When I use this trick the urge to eat usually passes and I no longer feel the need to stress-eat by the end of the 20-minute period.

- This is an old trick that everyone has heard, but it really has worked for me:
Don't keep fattening snack foods in the house! When I do this I fall into the "Open container, insert face" syndrome much quicker when I am stressed than if the food was not there. If you really, seriously, no kidding want something bad for you, get into your car and drive to eat it. Often the hassle alone makes it not worth the effort. And if you do decide to go out and get a nutritionally low food to stress-eat, don't do it in the car!

- Try to keep this statement in mind: "Long-term guilt is never worth short-term pleasure." I have never once stress-eaten and felt good about it afterwards. The reality of what I have just done to my body simply adds to my stress level. It's a lot easier to resist in the present than it is to work it off in the future.

Notice I didn't say to take a yoga class, jog, talk to a friend, or hit something until your knuckles bleed. Why? Because you don't have any more time to do these things when you are stressed than I do. The best thing you can do, in my opinion, is learn to manage stress in the moment. It's takes some time and discipline, and of course you will do some back-sliding while you are learning to move forward, but it can be done.