If It's Working, Don't Change Anything!

Anyone who has read my Spark Page recently knows that I have gained more weight than I am comfortable carrying, and that a lot of this came from stress eating. But in doing the self-examination that comes along with the Spark Coach Program (which I highly recommend), I have started to think of something else that helped with my weight creeping up: I let the opinions of others change how I worked my maintenance plan.

This was really pretty stupid of me, since I am acutely aware of my own limitations and have warned others to respect theirs, as well.

I guess the reason I listened to these other folks is because they were people who had accomplished tasks fitness-wise that I really admired. I respected them. But they don't live in my skin.

The key things I stopped doing were tracking my food and weighing myself at least several times a week.

I felt like it displayed weakness if I logged my foods and didn't trust my own appetite. I saw that many of the more advanced fitness people don't need to track- They cam be accountable on their own. Surely I was at least that advanced. Right?

And I was listening to others opinions that weighing regularly was being a slave to the scale, thereby putting the emphasis in the wrong place- That the scale was a liar and didn't tell the truth.

For some people these tactics work. For me, they were borrowing trouble.

And honestly, it's no surprise that in the near-absence of these things, I began to gain weight when extreme stress hit.

The truth is, as I've written in blogs past, that my personality is one that does better with regular food tracking. I do this in a written food log. Writing things down makes me face the facts about what I am eating. This works for me, even in maintenance.

As for weighing, I really do believe that the scale is the least accurate of the gauges that we use. But it also is the most immediate source of input I have. It takes time for my pants to get tight, but the scale tells the tale right away if I overate brownies recently.

Knowing I am going to have to face the numbers on the scale frequently keeps my head in the game when it comes to my eating habits.

And the fact is that if I get much over 155, size six just can't be maintained, no matter HOW much muscle versus fat I am carrying.

So while no one should live and die by the scale, it DOES give me a very useful snapshot of how things are going.

One good thing that this recent weight gain has taught me is that I would rather be considered weak using these accountability tools and looking fit, than considered emotionally strong not using them and viewed as overweight

I don't believe that tracking and weigh frequently is for everyone. What works for you is what you need to do. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

As for me? I'm back to tracking and weighing. It's going to be work getting back to where I was, and even more work to stay there. But I remember how feeling great about my health was so very worth everything I did NOT eat. And this time, my opinion of how I need to stay there is the only one that counts.

Respect Your Limitations

I so admire the people who can keep weight off without logging food.  How much more convenient life must be without having to write it all down!  But I'm not one of them. 

Rarely can I let junk food in the house.  It's just to hard for me to keep my mitts (and tongue) off of it.

I've had people question and challenge me on both of these issues.  In years gone by I have let others bully me into bringing foods that were not in my best interest into my home when I knew I wasn't strong enough to resist them.  I've also felt ashamed that I planned to log my food even after I lost my weight, despite knowing it would help me to maintain, because someone told me that wasn't a realistic way to live.

But not anymore:  These are two limitations I've had to acknowledge and respect about myself.

I have a friend who does what is necessary to keep her body fat at a healthy level when she pays a trainer/coach to help her.  It's something she has to work into her budget to stay successful.  She's not weaker than anyone else.  Quite the opposite: She is strong enough to recognize and respect her own unique needs and then implement them.

Another person I know has to to to Weight Watchers meetings and weigh-in on a weekly basis in order to not gain her weight back.

Some do best avoiding restaurants; others can't stay home because they eat out of boredom.  Some do best if they plan their meals ahead, while others will rebel and overeat if their foods are strictly dictated:  They do better with a little (or a lot) more give in their eating plan.  Still others do better if they avoid things like white flour or sugar all together, while there are those who find success when they can indulge a little from time to time.

Your picture of success will not look like that of anyone else.  This is a good thing and as it should be.  You have to be true to your personality and respect your own limitations.  Maybe these boundaries will change with time.  Maybe they won't.  But for lasting success in the weight loss and fitness game, you are going to have to be honest and true with yourself about what works for you. 

If someone else doesn't like it? Well....... Let them eat cake........

Or not......

Hard Choices

There came a point about 3 years ago in my weight loss and fitness journey that I knew if I was going to progress any farther I would have to spend more time in the gym and cooking healthy foods.  And in order to do that, I was going to have to give something up.  After conducting a rather painful lifestyle self-examination, I realized what needed to go: Sewing.

I am a very good seamstress, if I do say so myself.  I have been sewing for about 30 years now.  Since I am a perfectionist, I wasn't happy turning out anything that didn't look positively beautiful.  And perfection takes time.  A LOT of time!  I figured as long as I was putting the effort in, it might as well be right.  And it was.  Here are photos of just a few of my beloved projects:

 

But I had to get honest with myself and reevaluate my priorities.  After some internal examination I decided the proper place to focus my energies and time was now on getting healthier for not only myself, but for my family.  Additionally, I wasn't able to spend the time helping others like I wanted because my  butt was stuck in a chair in front of a sewing machine manipulating fabric.  So I finished up the last of my important projects and put sewing on the back burner.  That was a couple of years ago, and I haven't regretted the decision since, although sometimes I do get a little melancholy about it.

This doesn't mean I don't ever sew, because in a pinch I do.  And I am grateful for my sewing skills.  For instance, I made a lovely fully lined wool trench coat for my daughter this winter- She is tall and willowy, and at almost 6 feet tall and 125 lbs nothing was fitting her. (This is not an exaggeration- literally NOTHING fit her even close to properly with those very long limbs.)  Marching practices for the high school band would have been miserable without a warm and properly-fitting winter coat.  I literally don't know what she'd of done if I couldn't sew. Here are a few of pictures of the project: 

But other than the rare project, my sewing maching sits neglected in it's cabinet.

Another thing I have just recently given up is baking.  This was an even harder one to abandon than sewing.  Baking gives instant gratification and makes my family very happy!  This in turn makes me happy!  But I eat what I bake, and the stuff sitting around, even if I do avoid it, gets me thinking in a direction that is not good for my health.  (I'm sorry, but my experience has been that even with healthier ingredients, it's very difficult to make baked goods that are truly good for you and taste good, too.)  So, like sewing, unless it's for a rare occasion, baking is pretty much out of my life.

When people say that living healthy is a lifestyle, they aren't kidding!  I'm not saying you have to abandon ALL of your time-consuming or bad-for-you habits right now.  I see skinny people who sew and healthy people who bake.  I just can't be one of them.  At least not for the time being.

Habits are formed gradually and new practices towards healthier living are best added little by little, as you feel ready for the the changes.  The truth is that if 5 years ago you'd of told me I'd of all but stopped both sewing AND (bigger shock!) baking, I'd of told you that you were talking to the wrong woman.  If you knew me back then, you are nodding your head in agreement. :-)

The moral of my story?  Don't be afraid to reevaluate and be honest with yourself about what needs to exit  your life.  I can pretty much guarantee that over time, as you progress into becoming fitter and healthier, your life will look a lot different than it does today.  And that's Ok.  Giving up things that slow your progress is not giving in- It's being mature and honest enough with yourself to say "This isn't in my best interest anymore".  Your family may balk a bit (my 15-year old is still asking for brownies), but eventually they'll come to accept and appreciate that you made the hard choices in not only your best interest, but theirs as well.

Binge Recovery

Okay, so you've done it- You ate way too much of the wrong stuff.  And in the middle of kicking yourself and wishing you could go back in time, you are wondering "Is there anything I can do to help reduce the negative effects of this?'  I have an answer for you, and that answer is "YES"! (And no, it does not involve the porcelain god and sticking a finger down your throat!)

This isn't going to be easy, no magic pill, but it will get most, if not all, of the garbage you just ate out of your system. There are basically three steps you will employ for the next 3 days:

1.  Drink water like it's going out of style!  This is NOT the time to shy away from water because you are afraid it will make you weigh even more in the morning.  It's time to guzzle.  It will give your cleansing organs a vehicle to carry all of that bad stuff (carbs, sodium, fat, chemicals) out of your body as fast as possible.  The sooner they leave the body, the harder it is for your body to store them as fat.  I'm not talking water toxicity levels, here, but make a concerted effort to drink more water than you normally would.  And water- not diet soda or any other kind of beverage you would rather drink. Water.  Water doesn't give your body one MORE factor to process and deal with.

2. Cardio like a mad person!  If you have any extra time for additional cardio over the next 72 hours, just do it, no questions asked.  I had a trainer friend of mine say that it takes the body 72 hours to turn unaccounted for carbs into fat.  You are trying to get 'em accounted for with cardio!  I have no idea if what he said was right or not, but putting as much time into cardio as possible for three days after a binge has helped me to keep the damage at bay.  Cardio uses glycogen, which is what the body turns carbs into, for fuel.  If glycogen doesn't get used for fuel, the body stores it as fat (future fuel).  You want to try to stop that from happening

As an aside- Don't abandon your weight lifting routine, though!  Lifting also uses glycogen, although not as much.  Keep up the lifting routine the same, but raise your cardio level. Two or three 30 or 40-minute cardio sessions a day is not too much right now, if you can squeeze that much in!

Oh! And expect the next day to have kick-butt cardio and lifting sessions.  With all of that glycogen now stored in your muscles you will be able to push harder than normal in your workouts.  (Proving that every cloud truly does have a silver lining!)

3. Focus your diet for the next day on protein, with only veggies for carbs.  It's Okay to have nonfat milk products.  My guess is that after the binge you aren't going to be wanting too many carbs, anyhow.  The next two days after that, go for small servings of things like oatmeal with breakfast and whole grains like 100% whole wheat or Ezekial breads and brown rice with lunch and dinner.

Why am I focusing on carbs?  Because I am almost certain you didn't binge on turkey breast.  You either binged on sweet carbs (cookies, ice cream, brownies), salty carbs (potato chips, crackers), or a combo (peanut butter, kettle corn).  None of these combinations is scale-friendly when done in excess, and the only way to get rid of the weight gain is to get rid of the carbs floatin' around in your body.

And the next time, if you can think about it before you immerse your head into that vat of peanut butter again, remind yourself that a binge is 3 days of hard work to (hopefully) undo the damage.  I've done this enough times that the thought of both the un-do process and the intestinal distress that is certain to arrive shortly after the binge has ended is almost always enough to stop me in my tracks.  It's taken a couple of years to learn my lesson, but now I can almost always say to myself "Ugh!  It's just not worth it!" and step away from the temptation.

Depending on your personality, when you get on the scale is up to you.  I make myself get on the scale the next morning because I can't stay in denial if I'm looking at the (temporary) damage I've caused.  Seeing a big jump motivates me to get right back on track!  I also like watching the numbers come down over the next couple of days- It's interesting to me.  But if you are the type it is just going to discouraged and want to dive into a bag of BBQ chips when the number is up, I'd advise waiting until after your 3-day recovery process is over.

Stop The Blame Game!

If you are one of these people who is always blaming someone else for your current less-than-satisfactory physical condition, it's time to give it a rest.

The fact is that I've never seen one person successfully reach their weight loss goals blaming someone else for them being overweight and out of shape.  I suspect this has something to do with the fact that when you start pointing the finger at yourself, all your excuses go out the window.

Look, I know I sound harsh.  But I have the right to say these things because I know of which I speak:  I used to be a blamer. 

My favorite person to blame was my husband.  I'll still say to this day that the man is hard on a diet.  He's not trying to be.  Truly.  But focusing on eating as a prime source of entertainment and bringing goodies into the house "for the kids" does NOT help keep me in a mindset to maintain my goals.  However, it is ME who allowed myself to eat garbage once I was tempted with the yummy foods he exposed me to.  I had options:  Ask to go to restaurants that have guilt-free foods I can eat; Saying no to junk at the movie (even if he IS holding that delicious-smelling popcorn right next to me); Telling him to please take the kids away from the house to eat the goodies RIGHT NOW;  Removing myself from the house until the tempting foods were eaten..... I'm sure there were other solutions, but the fact is that it's me who was to blame, not him.  After all, I am the one who lives in my body.

I know people who are so busy blaming others as an excuse for their current condition that they are almost obsessed with it...... Mired down in the depressed state of victim,....... looking for sympathy from anyone who will listen as to their woeful tale of why being so fat and out of shape is not their fault.........

I think they feel like if enough people say "It's Okay- You can't help the way you are", they will suddenly feel accepted and the world will be Okay with them being overweight and out of shape, and somehow that will make them happy.

If this is you........, Guess what?  Even if everyone were to pat you on the head and tell you what you want so desperately to hear, you would still look in the mirror and see exactly what you saw five minutes before they told you that. And would that image make you happy?

Didn't think so.

A lot of folks like to blame their upbringing.  Okay, so I will give it to many of you that you were brought up in homes with very few good food choices and forced to clean your plate.  I see a lot of kids whose overweight condition I do indeed blame on the parents.  How can kids eat right if they aren't given right food choices?  If you are feeding your kids garbage, it's time to accept the blame for where they are and start feeding them healthy foods, even if you don't like healthy foods yourself.  Suck it up and set the example.

HOWEVER, if you are an adult who is out of shape and still blaming your parents, it's time to grow up and assume the responsibility for the way you look. Even if they locked you in a closet and fed you nothing but Twinkies your entire upbringing, NOW you are able to make you own choices.  NOW you can reverse what they have done.  NOW is the time to change your habits.  Besides, how long is it that you have you been out from under your parents jurisdiction?

Sorry- The Mommy Excuse just doesn't hold water.

The fact is that in order to maintain a body that is too big, you have to eat too much food.  I don't care how you got that body: To maintain it you have to be eating enough food to sustain it.  Make every excuse you want, but that's a fact no one can dispute.  Well, you could.... but you'd look pretty stupid to the rest of the world if you did.

Unless you lay claim to your own health, you will never own a healthy body.  That's just the way it is.  As long as you are deflecting the responsibility for your current state on someone besides you, you are nowhere near obtaining the healthy body you deserve to have.  YOU have all of the power in this.  YOU made choices that got you where you are today, whether you became unhealthy on your own or entered into adulthood that way.  And only YOU can get yourself out of it.

How?  Start with accepting.  Phrases like "I am the one who is responsible for being here."  "My dissatisfaction with my body is because of me, not anyone else." "Sure, other people may not have been supportive, but I make the choices that keep me here."

Believe it. Let it sink in.  Feel it.

And then?  Cast it away.  Forgive yourself.  Move forward, making better choices.  (I blogged about that here: http://itallmakesadifference.blogspot.com/2010/04/love-yourself-in-your-current-condition.html)

And enjoy life.  You have gone way too far being miserable. It's time to forgive everyone, including yourself (read the above blog link), and live life out from under the cloud of blame.  When you do that, you are ready to take care of yourself the way you deserve.

Dealing With the Inevitable Naysayers

I haven't blogged in quite a while- I allowed someone to take the wind out of my sails for a bit, and I am sorry about that.......

Recently I had several inconsiderat things said to my about my choice to live a fit lifestyle.  It cut me to the quick, so I reached out to other fit people I know and was surprised to find out that every single one of them had been through similar things, usually many times over. I thought a blog about this might be prudent because the fact is that if you are going to choose to lead an improved lifestyle, the odds are that you are going to be met with similar comments and situations, as well.

First of all, take into consideration the physical state of the person making the comments.  If they are someone who is not in ideal shape, themselves. give that consideration before taking their comments to heart.

In light of this it stands to reason that, as my husband says, your success is probably making what they feel are their own shortcomings glaringly apparant to them.  So it's more than likely a feeling of inadequacy with themselves that leads them to say cruel or unreasonable things to you, not a true criticism of you.  So in a way they are acknowledging that they recognize your success.  For this reason, it can be taken as an off-handed compliment, if you can muster the inner strength to view it that way.

Also, bear in mind that it is NEVER your fault that someone else is not doing well in the weight loss and fitness game.  Your success cannot possibly be the reason for their non-success, regardless of how someone tries to justify it.  It is human nature to want to blame others for our own problems, so please keep that in mind when your share of criticism hits you.

Keeping all of this in mind, it's a delicate thing to know how to handle these situations.  We certainly don't want to drive people further away from changing their lives for the healthier, but on the other hand we shouldn't be targets for their frustrations, either.  I asked my friends who have also dealt with this how they handle these situations and the best suggestion yet came from my friend Tia.  She said that when critical things are said to her, she simply asks them "Why do you say that?"  This is, in my humble opinion, a brilliant strategy because it does the multiple purpose of getting the spotlight off of you, finding out where they are coming from on the off chance you might be able to help them, and getting them to reflect on their own motives.  And when done kindly, it lets them see you care about their feelings.  People can't grow when they feel attacked.  Quite frankly, I wish I'd of handled the criticisms that came my way in this manner.

Another perfectly acceptable strategy (this works particularly well when the criticism comes in a written form) is to say nothing at all.  You are under no obligation to answer a question just because someone asked it or reply to a statement just because someone said it.  And often silence says far more  than words ever could.

Also, if I had it to do all over again I wouldn't handle ANYthing by Email, letter, or text.  This is a good way to get all parties extremely upset, since your tone of voice can't be factored into the words and they can be taken in a way they were never meant.  I'd suggest, if you feel the need to communicate with someone who has written you in some way that you send them your phone number and tell them you'd much rather speak to them about it personally.  Chances are they will never call and the issue will die down, but if they do your meaning and caring will come across in your voice.  Also, people on both sides of the equation will usually type things they would never say with their voices, so for issues where it could get emotional actual talking really is the best way to go.

I hope this helps. If you are changing your health for the better and have not run into this issue yet trust me, it's coming.  Often from the least expected people.  Sometimes you will find that those you thought would be your biggest allies in your transformation will wind up being your biggest adversaries, and vice verse.  It's painful when it happens and you can't know who will say what when, but it will almost always surprise you.  If you are mentally ready for it you will hopefully be able to handle it with more grace and dignity than I did.