Your Trainer Did WHAT?

Even wonder if what you trainer is doing is acceptable, or even grounds for letting him or her go? Here's my short list of what I feel you should and should not accept from a personal trainer, as well as what you can do to rectify the situation:

- Your personal trainer should make a plan according to your goals, not pull out a workout plan she's used with dozens of clients before you. This doesn't mean the trainer shouldn't have a template: We all do. It means your program doesn't look exactly like every other person your trainer works with.

- A personal trainer should push you. Not to the point of injury, but to the point where you walk away feeling like you accomplished something.

- Your personal trainer should be watching you all of the time. They may need to speak with someone quickly, but you are their main focus for the entire session.

- Your personal trainer should treat you with dignity and respect. Period.

- Your personal trainer should change up your program no less often than every 4 weeks. Part of what you are paying them for is to see change. Bodies will eventually stop responding to the same routine after a few weeks. And if you say you are getting bored, they should modify to help keep you interested.

- Your personal trainer should ask questions if you say something hurts. This will help them determine if your pain is from muscle fatigue (which, honestly, you need to accept will often happen in order to have an effective training session), or something more serious. If you know what the trainer is asking you to do is going to hurt you, the trainer should modify or change the exercise.

- Your personal trainer shouldn't be on their phone. I have kept my phone with me to use the timer on it, but as far as texting, calling, checking Facebook, or any other purpose not related directly to YOU, phone usage is not Okay. You are paying your trainer to train you, not communicate with others. (Exception: There is a potential emergency and the trainer truly does need to know right away if it happens. This should be an extremely rare occurrence, and the trainer should ask you if this is Okay with you at the start of the session. To give you an idea of how rarely this should happen, in over 10 years of being a Personal Trainer, I have had a phone with me for this purpose exactly three times.)

- Your Personal Trainer should never, ever, ever flirt with or make an overt pass at you. You might be surprised how often this happens, particularly with male trainers. Many consider getting very personal a job perk. Trust me, if he's trying it with you, it's been successful with others. It's easy, and actually quite normal, to get a "Trainer Crush". But don't be another notch in his belt loop. Even if you don't give in, is it worth other trainers thinking you are one of his conquests? (Because trust me, he's not as discreet as he claims to be.)

In many cases you can speak with your trainer about all but the last of the above issues and see if he or she is willing to fix the situation. If they aren't willing to make some changes, it's time to break up with your trainer. They may even suggest another trainer to you. Don't take this as an insult! Honestly, it just makes it easier for you. In the case that you have prepaid sessions you can ask nicely for a refund, but it's more than likely that you signed a contract. So you may be stuck working with that trainer until the paid sessions are up if you are the one initiating the break up.

If, however, it's the last point (the trainer coming on to you) that you are having an issue with, calmly and firmly offer to talk to their boss if they won't refund you by a specified time (I'd give them 3 days) for the unused sessions. And you may want to talk to their boss, anyhow.

If he or she doesn't have a boss, offer to tell your friends. Chances are you'll see a refund quickly. Even if you don't, whatever you paid him or her is not worth the loss of dignity and, quite possibly, reputation.

Managing Pushy Hostesses

You know how it is- You are at a dinner somewhere, and a well-meaning hostess decides that you just MUST try her special Batter-Dipped and Double Fried Shortening that she ONLY makes for this particular occasion.  You really don't want to derail your healthy eating plan at this particular moment, but this gal is just not giving up.  How to handle it?

The natural inclination is to tell the truth: "No thank you.  I am trying to be careful with my eating right now."  I encourage you to try this tactic first.  But as we all know, so often it does not work and the hostess seems even more dogged in her determination to have you try her fabulous delicacy, even if it means informing you of all of the virtues of her dish.

In this case, I have found two very effective solutions to this delimma, neither of which involves lying:

Solution #1- "That looks so delicious.  It looks like you put a lot of time and effort into making it. But I am simply too full right now to enjoy it.  Can I take a rain check?"  One thing I know, being a bit of a food pusher myself, is that what you most want is to feel appreciated.  This covers that base, as well as leaves hope that the person will still sample your dish.  Besides, what's she going to do?  Say no?  

Solution #2 (I only use this in the event that, for some reason, Solution #1 does not work)- "I am so sorry, but I have an adverse effect to that type of food."  This is true.  It makes me fat. If asked what that adverse effect is, you can simply answer "It's too personal to share".  Of course, the person is going to think that it makes you have massive amounts of horrible intestinal issues, but you aren't lying because, quite frankly, I'd rather not discuss this at a party, anyhow.

As a parting note, keep all of this in mind when YOU host an event.  Be sensitive and don't push when someone tells you "No, thank you."