Today in the locker room at the gym I ran into two gals who are always there, but I've only ever seen on the cardio equipment. Both of these girls appear to be in their 20's and are very heavy. I know how much weight training would benefit them, so I asked, after we'd chatted a couple of minutes, "So how come I never see you girls in the weight lifting area?" Honestly, I was pretty sure I knew the answer, but I wanted to encourage them to venture over there so that they could reap the rewards of going to the gym faster.
One gal, the heaviest of the two, responded honestly that she's a bit intimidated and doesn't feel like she fits in. I told her she pays gym membership, so she has as much a right to be there as anyone else and no one there would think a thing of it- she's working out just like everyone else. Then she said she'd love to try, because she would like to increase her muscle, but that her friend didn't want to go over there.
So naturally, I asked the friend why she felt that way. And she said (this blew me away) "I don't want to be defined." Say WHAT? I tried to keep the look of disbelief off of my face and the sarcastic comment ("Then why are you coming to a gym?") from shooting out of my mouth. Instead I very gently asked "Could you explain what you mean?" I thought for sure she'd tell me I'd misunderstood. She said "I don't want muscle tone."
Nope. I didn't misunderstand.
I told her I look like I do, in part, to lifting weights on and off for 24 years. And she said, no kidding "I don't think that looks good. I don't want to look like you." She looked embarrassed, but she sure as heck said it.
I told her that's okay, she didn't have to look like me if she lifted, and asked her if she understood the benefits of having muscle go beyond appearance and that it will facilitate her weight loss efforts. She said she did, but she had no desire to have muscle tone. Yeesh....
I didn't know what to do with this woman, so I turned my attention to her friend.
Her friend told me she thought I looked great, that she saw me in Walmart on Sunday after church and thought I looked nice in a dress, when I'm not pumped up. She seemed to get the big picture that I didn't walk around with bulging muscles all the time. Thank heavens!
At that point I shared with her that I've done almost all of my workout alone and that she could look similar to me, that it takes time, but it's worth it. That I've lost quite a bit of weight and she can achieve whatever she puts her mind to.
I told told them both that if they had any questions about lifting or wanted to try equipment and didn't know how to use any of it to ask me- I'd be happy to help them. They walked away- to do their cardio, presumably.
I really wish there was something magical I could have said to them- particularly the open minded one.
I know that all too often heavy people think that the people who are at or closer to their ideal weight are looking at them judgmentally when they are in the weight lifting area of the gym. For the record, I don't care how heavy you are- I'm just glad you're there! I'll answer questions if you ask me and help all you'll let me.
And my guess? If you ask anyone in the weight lifting area who looks like they know what they're doing for assistance they'd be happy to help you, too.
You can't get started if you don't start, and the benefits of weight lifting aren't just for those who are already fit. While I understand the reasons for feeling intimidated, I'd like to point out that the only way to stop feeling intimidated is to improve yourself. One of the fastest ways to improve yourself in the gym? Lift weights!
That's all I got for today. I hope this helped somebody!
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
The Gift of Self-Forgiveness
In my last blog I started out by saying that it's hard to help someone you don't like. Wouldn't you agree it's just as hard to help, or be good to, someone who continually holds a grudge against you?
For me, self-forgiveness was just as important as talking positively about myself. I needed to forgive myself for the mistreatment I'd committed against my body in the first place.
I've heard it said that you can't change what you won't acknowledge. I've found this to be true, so for me the first step came in admitting that I'd done this to myself, not anyone else:
-I couldn't blame my kids because I had to cook for them all of the time.
-I couldn't blame my husband because he took me out to eat all the time, brought ice cream home, and his favorite activities to do with me were sedentary.
-I couldn't blame my mother because she forced me to clean my plate when I was a kid or my grandma because she fed me goodies to the point where I wanted to vomit when I was young.
The fact is that I was fat and out of shape because I had not used self-control or good judgment in a myriad of circumstances over a long period of time.
Once I arrived at the firm conclusion that my overweight body was MY fault, I started to experience a lot of anger towards myself. I was plain old mad that I'd let myself get into the condition I was in. This went on for quite some time, but I finally came to the conclusion that it was time to forgive myself for getting into rotten shape. I literally had in inner dialogue with myself that went something like this:
"I am sorry, Body, for what I have put you through after all you have done for me. You have carried, delivered into this world, and nursed four other human beings. You have taken me through boot camp and seen me through abusive relationships. You have put up with me under-exercising and not only over-feeding you, but feeding you garbage. You've sustained me throughout life, and I am sorry for abusing you."
Yep, another silly conversation with myself, but one that I felt was necessary.
I'm not going to say that the changes came quickly or instantly, but because of being able to forgive myself I was able to grasp the concept of positive self-talk (blog prior to this) and begin to move on and genuinely embrace the other aspects of getting fit.
If you are anything like me, you won't be able to forgive yourself all at once. Like positive self-talk, self-forgiveness takes time. But forgiveness is a choice, whether towards yourself or another human being. Once you have started the process of forgiveness you will start to move ahead in the journey of getting fit: Good things will follow.
For me, self-forgiveness was just as important as talking positively about myself. I needed to forgive myself for the mistreatment I'd committed against my body in the first place.
I've heard it said that you can't change what you won't acknowledge. I've found this to be true, so for me the first step came in admitting that I'd done this to myself, not anyone else:
-I couldn't blame my kids because I had to cook for them all of the time.
-I couldn't blame my husband because he took me out to eat all the time, brought ice cream home, and his favorite activities to do with me were sedentary.
-I couldn't blame my mother because she forced me to clean my plate when I was a kid or my grandma because she fed me goodies to the point where I wanted to vomit when I was young.
The fact is that I was fat and out of shape because I had not used self-control or good judgment in a myriad of circumstances over a long period of time.
Once I arrived at the firm conclusion that my overweight body was MY fault, I started to experience a lot of anger towards myself. I was plain old mad that I'd let myself get into the condition I was in. This went on for quite some time, but I finally came to the conclusion that it was time to forgive myself for getting into rotten shape. I literally had in inner dialogue with myself that went something like this:
"I am sorry, Body, for what I have put you through after all you have done for me. You have carried, delivered into this world, and nursed four other human beings. You have taken me through boot camp and seen me through abusive relationships. You have put up with me under-exercising and not only over-feeding you, but feeding you garbage. You've sustained me throughout life, and I am sorry for abusing you."
Yep, another silly conversation with myself, but one that I felt was necessary.
I'm not going to say that the changes came quickly or instantly, but because of being able to forgive myself I was able to grasp the concept of positive self-talk (blog prior to this) and begin to move on and genuinely embrace the other aspects of getting fit.
If you are anything like me, you won't be able to forgive yourself all at once. Like positive self-talk, self-forgiveness takes time. But forgiveness is a choice, whether towards yourself or another human being. Once you have started the process of forgiveness you will start to move ahead in the journey of getting fit: Good things will follow.
The Evolution of a Muscular Back
Many years ago (20 or more), I saw an article in a magazine where the author gave kuddos to the best body parts in Hollywood. Raquel Welch got the vote for back, and the attached caption for the beautiful photo of her back stated that a muscular back on a woman is sexy.
I decided I was going to try and get a back like that.
And try I did. Back had always been my favorite body part to work, but at that point I started putting concentrated effort into building the back muscles when I lifted. The problem was that I couldn't really see my back and it didn't occur to me to have someone take a picture (bright, I know!), so I never knew if my efforts were paying off.
Then entered Ruben Sandoval, who I started working with as a nutritionist and distance coach in February of this year. He taught me some basic posing and I had my daughter take pictures to show him, so that he could see where my body was muscle-wise so he'd have a good idea of the work that needed to be done. When I looked at those first photos I was shocked for two reasons: 1) I was REALLY bad at posing, and B) I had developed back muscles! I truly was stunned. 24 or so years of weight lifting had paid off, I just hadn't known it until that very moment.
I think I can safely say I not only met my goal of having muscle like Raquel's, but surpassed it.
This isn't to say that it will take you 24 years of lifting to have a strong back, but it IS to say that when you concentrate efforts on building up this area, for Pete's sake, be sure to have someone snap flexed pics along the way!
Okay, so here is my prescription for building a strong back:
1) Diet. As I stated in my "Creating Abs You Can Be Proud Of" blog, if you don't get the fat off of the area, you'll never see all the beautiful muscle you are building. Having said that, many people gain fat in their backs LAST, so it could very well be that you will see development in this area faster than others. I know this is the case with me. But if you have excess fat to lose anywhere on your body, do it! A little will still come off of your back, and even a small amount of fat reduction can make a big difference in how much developed muscle you can see. Also, proper nutrition and a cleaned-up diet (ban the junk!) will help you to put on muscle much faster.
2) Lift heavy! You can't get a muscular back without resistance training. Push-ups alone aren't going to build a balanced and symmetrically muscular back. You are going to have to pick up the weights!
3) When I train, I target 3 different muscle groups: Lats, Rhomboids, and low back. The lats are the muscles that flare out to the side under your armpit and down the side of the ribcage when well-developed. These look wing-like on very muscular men, in particular. The rhomboids are what I call the tenderloins- they run on either side of the upper area of the back bone and attach to the scapula. The lower back is all the muscles that make up the lower region of the back area. As I said in my abs blog, if I have not done an exercise that brings low back in some other time in my workout week (stiff-legged dead lifts, hyperextensions, etc), I will include lower back exercises on back day.
So on back day, since I usually do deadlifts, squats, and/or hyperextensions on leg day, I concentrate most of my weight lifting efforts on Lats and Rhomboids.
Lat exercises are going to be mostly pull-down and overhead type moves, like different types of lat pull-downs and chin-ups.
Rhomboid exercises are going to be mostly squeezing-type moves, like various rows and and reverse flyes (which you have to be very careful to keep in a lower plane of motion, so as not to make them a shoulder exercise).
Having said this, both types of moves incorporate all muscle groups in the back, so don't be surprised if you feel one exercise in the rest of the back.
When I work my back, I really concentrate hard on contracting the muscle targeted. I put in max effort, and usually do three sets of 15-20, with the goal being exhaustion at the end of each set. If I were trying to build my back muscle, as opposed to maintaining it (I need to let the rest of my body catch up to my back), I'd do a pyramid setup of four sets of 12, 8, 4 then another set of 12, with the same goal of exhaustion by the end of all but the first set. This is pretty much the way I built my back to where it is now.
So my current back exercise selection once a week (the only muscles I work twice a week are quads, hams, and delts, sometimes abs), might look something like this:
3 Super-sets, 15-20 reps each to exhaustion, of:
- Wide-grip lat pull-downs (always front- I won't do behind-the-neck pull-downs without an experienced spotter)
- Narrow-grip seated pulley rows
Then separately:
- Dumbbell bent rows, single arm (to let one side recover while the other rests).
If I feel a need to work lower back, I'll perhaps jump over and do three sets of 15 hyperextensions, weighted or not, depending on how strong I feel that day after the back exercises. I might point out that when I first started working my back I did NOT max out on lower-back moves. I realized I needed to slowly build my strength to avoid potential injury. If you are just getting into the back-building business, I would advise that you do the same.
I usually work triceps with back, so will often super-set a tricep exercise with a back exercise (moving immediately from back exercise to tricep exercise). This helps to save time while my back recovers, and uses the back exercise to somewhat pre-exhaust my triceps, which gives them a better workout.
There is another big muscle back there- the trapezius (a kite-shaped muscle that runs from the base of your neck to about 1/2 way or so down your backbone). I never target it because I don't feel big traps bulging up between the shoulders and neck is a particularly attractive look on females. And I'm starting to get concerned that mine is almost disproportionately large compared to the rest of my back muscles. My traps don't need any more volume! If, however, you are either a female who feels your traps are underdeveloped or are male (big traps look great on guys!), you will want to find exercises to target this muscle, as well. Shrugs are the most popular exercise I know of to build traps.
I hope this information is useful to someone.
If you have questions, as always, please don't hesitate to ask!
I decided I was going to try and get a back like that.
And try I did. Back had always been my favorite body part to work, but at that point I started putting concentrated effort into building the back muscles when I lifted. The problem was that I couldn't really see my back and it didn't occur to me to have someone take a picture (bright, I know!), so I never knew if my efforts were paying off.
Then entered Ruben Sandoval, who I started working with as a nutritionist and distance coach in February of this year. He taught me some basic posing and I had my daughter take pictures to show him, so that he could see where my body was muscle-wise so he'd have a good idea of the work that needed to be done. When I looked at those first photos I was shocked for two reasons: 1) I was REALLY bad at posing, and B) I had developed back muscles! I truly was stunned. 24 or so years of weight lifting had paid off, I just hadn't known it until that very moment.
I think I can safely say I not only met my goal of having muscle like Raquel's, but surpassed it.
This isn't to say that it will take you 24 years of lifting to have a strong back, but it IS to say that when you concentrate efforts on building up this area, for Pete's sake, be sure to have someone snap flexed pics along the way!
Okay, so here is my prescription for building a strong back:
1) Diet. As I stated in my "Creating Abs You Can Be Proud Of" blog, if you don't get the fat off of the area, you'll never see all the beautiful muscle you are building. Having said that, many people gain fat in their backs LAST, so it could very well be that you will see development in this area faster than others. I know this is the case with me. But if you have excess fat to lose anywhere on your body, do it! A little will still come off of your back, and even a small amount of fat reduction can make a big difference in how much developed muscle you can see. Also, proper nutrition and a cleaned-up diet (ban the junk!) will help you to put on muscle much faster.
2) Lift heavy! You can't get a muscular back without resistance training. Push-ups alone aren't going to build a balanced and symmetrically muscular back. You are going to have to pick up the weights!
3) When I train, I target 3 different muscle groups: Lats, Rhomboids, and low back. The lats are the muscles that flare out to the side under your armpit and down the side of the ribcage when well-developed. These look wing-like on very muscular men, in particular. The rhomboids are what I call the tenderloins- they run on either side of the upper area of the back bone and attach to the scapula. The lower back is all the muscles that make up the lower region of the back area. As I said in my abs blog, if I have not done an exercise that brings low back in some other time in my workout week (stiff-legged dead lifts, hyperextensions, etc), I will include lower back exercises on back day.
So on back day, since I usually do deadlifts, squats, and/or hyperextensions on leg day, I concentrate most of my weight lifting efforts on Lats and Rhomboids.
Lat exercises are going to be mostly pull-down and overhead type moves, like different types of lat pull-downs and chin-ups.
Rhomboid exercises are going to be mostly squeezing-type moves, like various rows and and reverse flyes (which you have to be very careful to keep in a lower plane of motion, so as not to make them a shoulder exercise).
Having said this, both types of moves incorporate all muscle groups in the back, so don't be surprised if you feel one exercise in the rest of the back.
When I work my back, I really concentrate hard on contracting the muscle targeted. I put in max effort, and usually do three sets of 15-20, with the goal being exhaustion at the end of each set. If I were trying to build my back muscle, as opposed to maintaining it (I need to let the rest of my body catch up to my back), I'd do a pyramid setup of four sets of 12, 8, 4 then another set of 12, with the same goal of exhaustion by the end of all but the first set. This is pretty much the way I built my back to where it is now.
So my current back exercise selection once a week (the only muscles I work twice a week are quads, hams, and delts, sometimes abs), might look something like this:
3 Super-sets, 15-20 reps each to exhaustion, of:
- Wide-grip lat pull-downs (always front- I won't do behind-the-neck pull-downs without an experienced spotter)
- Narrow-grip seated pulley rows
Then separately:
- Dumbbell bent rows, single arm (to let one side recover while the other rests).
If I feel a need to work lower back, I'll perhaps jump over and do three sets of 15 hyperextensions, weighted or not, depending on how strong I feel that day after the back exercises. I might point out that when I first started working my back I did NOT max out on lower-back moves. I realized I needed to slowly build my strength to avoid potential injury. If you are just getting into the back-building business, I would advise that you do the same.
I usually work triceps with back, so will often super-set a tricep exercise with a back exercise (moving immediately from back exercise to tricep exercise). This helps to save time while my back recovers, and uses the back exercise to somewhat pre-exhaust my triceps, which gives them a better workout.
There is another big muscle back there- the trapezius (a kite-shaped muscle that runs from the base of your neck to about 1/2 way or so down your backbone). I never target it because I don't feel big traps bulging up between the shoulders and neck is a particularly attractive look on females. And I'm starting to get concerned that mine is almost disproportionately large compared to the rest of my back muscles. My traps don't need any more volume! If, however, you are either a female who feels your traps are underdeveloped or are male (big traps look great on guys!), you will want to find exercises to target this muscle, as well. Shrugs are the most popular exercise I know of to build traps.
I hope this information is useful to someone.
If you have questions, as always, please don't hesitate to ask!
Lift, Even if You are Overweight
If you are overweight with no intention of reducing your calories and therefore losing weight, you are at an advantage for gaining muscle over those who are restricting their calories.
Yes, you read that right.
Let me rephrase: People who eat too many calories and lift weights have an easier time putting on muscle than those who are lifting and eating to lose weight.
You can't build a very big house on a wooded lot if you use only the wood from some of the existing trees on the property to build and ship the remaining wood to someone else. You can build a much BIGGER house by keeping your existing trees and bringing in additional lumber.
In the same manner, it's harder for the body to build muscle while you are taking calories AWAY from it. So someone who is overeating and lifting weights is probably going to put on muscle at a faster rate than someone who is trying to gain muscle while reducing calories.
Doesn't sound quite fair, does it?
But here is the deal, you can build SOME muscle if you are losing weight, and the good news is that you will actually be able to SEE it as your weight comes down. While the overweight person who is lifting the same weight as the thinner person is more than likely putting on muscle quicker than the thinner person, they probably won't realize it since it's covered by fat.
Case in point:
I was lifting weights heavily when I was at my biggest, which was here:
And the fact is that I was in the process of using my excess calories I was overeating to build the muscle I eventually uncovered here:
Was I as healthy in the first photo? No! But at least I was doing something more with my calories from overeating than simply putting on a lot of fat.
And this explains why I was never in as big a clothing size as my weight said I should be: I was more solid under all that fat than even I realized.
Now, I still have a ways to go. My backside is NOT where I want it to be. My next goal is to build up those legs and glutes and make them something splendiferous. But in the meantime? In the meantime I'm very proud of the muscle I've worked so hard to build, and that I kept up the lifting, even when I felt like my body was almost past the point of improvement. I didn't know it then, but I was helping my future self out.
My point, of course, is that it's advantageous for even the obese to lift weights. The worst that will happen is that they'll put some of those excess calories to good use building something besides more fat. Never mind the other myriad of health benefits that come from lifting weights, to include improved balance and maneuverability, as well as stronger bones.
And the best that can happen is that one day they will gain the frame of mind to lose the weight, and what they uncover might surprise them.
It sure did me!
So if you are overweight and aren't lifting, START! As I like to say: Lift heavy, lift hard, and lift often. You never know how much you may appreciate your efforts in the future.
Yes, you read that right.
Let me rephrase: People who eat too many calories and lift weights have an easier time putting on muscle than those who are lifting and eating to lose weight.
You can't build a very big house on a wooded lot if you use only the wood from some of the existing trees on the property to build and ship the remaining wood to someone else. You can build a much BIGGER house by keeping your existing trees and bringing in additional lumber.
In the same manner, it's harder for the body to build muscle while you are taking calories AWAY from it. So someone who is overeating and lifting weights is probably going to put on muscle at a faster rate than someone who is trying to gain muscle while reducing calories.
Doesn't sound quite fair, does it?
But here is the deal, you can build SOME muscle if you are losing weight, and the good news is that you will actually be able to SEE it as your weight comes down. While the overweight person who is lifting the same weight as the thinner person is more than likely putting on muscle quicker than the thinner person, they probably won't realize it since it's covered by fat.
Case in point:
I was lifting weights heavily when I was at my biggest, which was here:
And the fact is that I was in the process of using my excess calories I was overeating to build the muscle I eventually uncovered here:
Was I as healthy in the first photo? No! But at least I was doing something more with my calories from overeating than simply putting on a lot of fat.
And this explains why I was never in as big a clothing size as my weight said I should be: I was more solid under all that fat than even I realized.
Now, I still have a ways to go. My backside is NOT where I want it to be. My next goal is to build up those legs and glutes and make them something splendiferous. But in the meantime? In the meantime I'm very proud of the muscle I've worked so hard to build, and that I kept up the lifting, even when I felt like my body was almost past the point of improvement. I didn't know it then, but I was helping my future self out.
My point, of course, is that it's advantageous for even the obese to lift weights. The worst that will happen is that they'll put some of those excess calories to good use building something besides more fat. Never mind the other myriad of health benefits that come from lifting weights, to include improved balance and maneuverability, as well as stronger bones.
And the best that can happen is that one day they will gain the frame of mind to lose the weight, and what they uncover might surprise them.
It sure did me!
So if you are overweight and aren't lifting, START! As I like to say: Lift heavy, lift hard, and lift often. You never know how much you may appreciate your efforts in the future.
False Starts Aren't Wasted Time
I tried over and over again for years to lose this weight. I'd sometimes give up before I barely got started, and other times I'd lose some weight and either just hold there (got from 197 to 187 this way), or lose and then gain it back (went from 187 to about 174 and back I can't tell you how many times).
And you know what? Every time I lost without success, it was a valuable learning experience that began to put my head in the right place to lose for real. I learned what did work for me (Weight watchers, eating clean, having a ton of variety in my diet, varying my calories from day to day), and what did not (pre-packaged food diet plans, limited food choices, the same calorie level every day). And without all those false starts I'm almost certain I'd have weighed more than I did when I finally decided to get serious and make the real changes to improve my health permanently.
Plus, each time I took a few pounds off I gave my heart a break for a bit.
They say that most smokers who finally stop successfully have tried and failed multiple times. I'm thinking that making a permanent and healthy change in one's diet could very well be the same- Maybe that's just the necessary process of stopping any bad habit or addiction.
So if you have tried and quit multiple times to lose weight, or tried and lost weight and then gained it all back, don't count it as wasted time. Count it as a valuable lesson learned. Think about it, glean what you can from it, then get back to trying again! You never know when this try is the one that finally gets your head where it belongs to make it "for real" this time.
And you know what? Every time I lost without success, it was a valuable learning experience that began to put my head in the right place to lose for real. I learned what did work for me (Weight watchers, eating clean, having a ton of variety in my diet, varying my calories from day to day), and what did not (pre-packaged food diet plans, limited food choices, the same calorie level every day). And without all those false starts I'm almost certain I'd have weighed more than I did when I finally decided to get serious and make the real changes to improve my health permanently.
Plus, each time I took a few pounds off I gave my heart a break for a bit.
They say that most smokers who finally stop successfully have tried and failed multiple times. I'm thinking that making a permanent and healthy change in one's diet could very well be the same- Maybe that's just the necessary process of stopping any bad habit or addiction.
So if you have tried and quit multiple times to lose weight, or tried and lost weight and then gained it all back, don't count it as wasted time. Count it as a valuable lesson learned. Think about it, glean what you can from it, then get back to trying again! You never know when this try is the one that finally gets your head where it belongs to make it "for real" this time.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Love Yourself in Your Current Condition
It's really hard to help someone you don't like. Wouldn't you agree?
So why then do we say cruel things to ourselves?
When I stopped criticizing myself for being fat, I started losing weight.
My reasoning for saying negative things to myself was, in part, that I didn't want to like myself where I was and get comfortable at an unhealthy weight. But it backfired: My subconscious believed I was as worthless as I was telling myself I was, and I lost the gumption to do the hard work needed to make myself healthy again.
It was a struggle to stop the negative self-talk, both in my head and out loud. The things in my head, of course, I said to myself. The things out loud I said to others about myself. Most of the time. Sometimes I would actually look into the mirror and berate myself out loud for how overweight I'd become. Hard to admit, but it's true. Regardless, my subconscious heard all of it and took it to heart. (Or brain, as the case may be.)
I had to learn to interrupt myself and replace the negative thoughts with positive ones. Here are a few examples:
- When I would look in the mirror and think "Look at what you have let yourself become! You are disgusting!", I made myself stop the thought and would say (out loud if possible) "No, I am not disgusting. I have weight to lose, but I am worth the long journey it will take to get there, and I will come out a better person for it."
- When I thought "I am NEVER going to be able to lose all this weight!", I would stop myself and say "It is entirely possible to lose this weight and I am totally worth the time and effort it will take."
- When I would say to myself "There is not one redeemable part of my body left" I would interrupt myself and say "I have beautiful eyes and wonderful hair. My hands are lovely and thin. My waist is small in comparison to the rest of me and I have a feminine shape. I may not be as thin as I want, but I am going to get there and look beautiful as I do."
It felt kinda silly, but it worked. Soon after I started doing this, I found the determination within me to start the journey towards being thin and healthy again. And throughout the journey I have had to remind myself that although the road was long, I was NOT going to quit and it was worth the deprivation, time, hunger, and hard work put in at the gym.
I thought I had mastered this, but then my trainer, Ruben, called me on the carpet for negative comments I had made about myself that I wasn't aware were negative. I just thought they were realistic. He told me that I was going to sabotage my own efforts if I didn't stop it. It was hard to hear, and at first I bristled, but then I let it soak in and took the advice to heart.
He probably doesn't realize the valuable lesson I learned that day: There is a difference between being full of yourself and loving yourself. The former is a sin. The latter is a blessing.
Now that I am ounces away from my off-season goal weight I can tell you one thing for sure: Every last minute of the struggle, both mentally and physically, was worth it.
YOU are worth it. YOU deserve to be loved by YOU.
Stopping negative self-talk is paramount to losing weight. Beating yourself up accomplishes nothing positive. Sometimes we are the only positive voice we have. So listen to yourself loving yourself. Your sense of self-worth and desire to change for the better will follow. I promise.
So why then do we say cruel things to ourselves?
When I stopped criticizing myself for being fat, I started losing weight.
My reasoning for saying negative things to myself was, in part, that I didn't want to like myself where I was and get comfortable at an unhealthy weight. But it backfired: My subconscious believed I was as worthless as I was telling myself I was, and I lost the gumption to do the hard work needed to make myself healthy again.
It was a struggle to stop the negative self-talk, both in my head and out loud. The things in my head, of course, I said to myself. The things out loud I said to others about myself. Most of the time. Sometimes I would actually look into the mirror and berate myself out loud for how overweight I'd become. Hard to admit, but it's true. Regardless, my subconscious heard all of it and took it to heart. (Or brain, as the case may be.)
I had to learn to interrupt myself and replace the negative thoughts with positive ones. Here are a few examples:
- When I would look in the mirror and think "Look at what you have let yourself become! You are disgusting!", I made myself stop the thought and would say (out loud if possible) "No, I am not disgusting. I have weight to lose, but I am worth the long journey it will take to get there, and I will come out a better person for it."
- When I thought "I am NEVER going to be able to lose all this weight!", I would stop myself and say "It is entirely possible to lose this weight and I am totally worth the time and effort it will take."
- When I would say to myself "There is not one redeemable part of my body left" I would interrupt myself and say "I have beautiful eyes and wonderful hair. My hands are lovely and thin. My waist is small in comparison to the rest of me and I have a feminine shape. I may not be as thin as I want, but I am going to get there and look beautiful as I do."
It felt kinda silly, but it worked. Soon after I started doing this, I found the determination within me to start the journey towards being thin and healthy again. And throughout the journey I have had to remind myself that although the road was long, I was NOT going to quit and it was worth the deprivation, time, hunger, and hard work put in at the gym.
I thought I had mastered this, but then my trainer, Ruben, called me on the carpet for negative comments I had made about myself that I wasn't aware were negative. I just thought they were realistic. He told me that I was going to sabotage my own efforts if I didn't stop it. It was hard to hear, and at first I bristled, but then I let it soak in and took the advice to heart.
He probably doesn't realize the valuable lesson I learned that day: There is a difference between being full of yourself and loving yourself. The former is a sin. The latter is a blessing.
Now that I am ounces away from my off-season goal weight I can tell you one thing for sure: Every last minute of the struggle, both mentally and physically, was worth it.
YOU are worth it. YOU deserve to be loved by YOU.
Stopping negative self-talk is paramount to losing weight. Beating yourself up accomplishes nothing positive. Sometimes we are the only positive voice we have. So listen to yourself loving yourself. Your sense of self-worth and desire to change for the better will follow. I promise.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
In Spite of, not Because Of
If you are waiting for life's circumstances to be "just right" before you start eating right and exercising, you are in for a long wait. They never will be.
Why is it that we view taking care of ourselves as an added burden?
Why do we look at ordering a Big Mac and large fries with a McFlurry as easier than ordering a Grilled chicken sandwich, hold the mayo, with a side salad and unsweetened tea?
Why do we look at exercise as something that takes "too much time", but we have time to sit down and spend 2 hours watching The Biggest Loser?
Why do we look at over eating, or eating crap, as an acceptable way of burning off some stress? Has over eating ever really HELPED your stress?
Look, folks, it's a change of mindset.
Since last Ocbober, when I made the decision to make the changes to my lifestyle that would enable me to have a body I am proud of, a lot of stressful things have happened. Here are a few: I got braces on my teeth, a family member died, I had seven family birthdays and four major holidays take place (one of which family members came in and stayed with us for- which was a pure pleasure!), my daughter had an emergency with and then surgery on her feet and then recover from it, another daughter is being sued, my son wound up in the ER with a dislocated knee, the step-kids and my husband came back over Christmas vacation. Oh, and not to mention my husband lives and works 1200 miles away and I am acting essentially as a single Mom to my kids, one of whom is a mentally handicapped adult and living with me.
There's more, but you get the idea.
The point is, taking care of yourself has to be a PART of life, not an optional and disposable add-on.
Yeah, I know you're tired. I'm tired. And I know you have a lot going on. I have a lot going on. But when I decided I was going to make changes despite my circumstances and that taking care of myself needed to be a part of my life just like showering or brushing my teeth, THAT's when the changes came. And now I have more energy to do all of life's stressful stuff because I have less body weight to haul around. I am handling life's stresses BETTER with a more fit body.
It's a change of mindset. Not a change of circumstances.
Why is it that we view taking care of ourselves as an added burden?
Why do we look at ordering a Big Mac and large fries with a McFlurry as easier than ordering a Grilled chicken sandwich, hold the mayo, with a side salad and unsweetened tea?
Why do we look at exercise as something that takes "too much time", but we have time to sit down and spend 2 hours watching The Biggest Loser?
Why do we look at over eating, or eating crap, as an acceptable way of burning off some stress? Has over eating ever really HELPED your stress?
Look, folks, it's a change of mindset.
Since last Ocbober, when I made the decision to make the changes to my lifestyle that would enable me to have a body I am proud of, a lot of stressful things have happened. Here are a few: I got braces on my teeth, a family member died, I had seven family birthdays and four major holidays take place (one of which family members came in and stayed with us for- which was a pure pleasure!), my daughter had an emergency with and then surgery on her feet and then recover from it, another daughter is being sued, my son wound up in the ER with a dislocated knee, the step-kids and my husband came back over Christmas vacation. Oh, and not to mention my husband lives and works 1200 miles away and I am acting essentially as a single Mom to my kids, one of whom is a mentally handicapped adult and living with me.
There's more, but you get the idea.
The point is, taking care of yourself has to be a PART of life, not an optional and disposable add-on.
Yeah, I know you're tired. I'm tired. And I know you have a lot going on. I have a lot going on. But when I decided I was going to make changes despite my circumstances and that taking care of myself needed to be a part of my life just like showering or brushing my teeth, THAT's when the changes came. And now I have more energy to do all of life's stressful stuff because I have less body weight to haul around. I am handling life's stresses BETTER with a more fit body.
It's a change of mindset. Not a change of circumstances.
Monday, April 5, 2010
Weight Lifting Hunger
Do you have an issue with hunger, now that you've started lifting weights? This has been a concern with me in the past, too. Here are a few things I've do to combat this:
- I drink massive amounts of water. I mean, on average a gallon a day. Often more.
- I eat 6-7 times a day, which breaks down to every 2-3 hours. Yes, I know this is something you hear to do all the time, and I used to roll my eyes every time I heard it because I was so sick of the same advice all the time, but it really does help me to not be so ravenous when I lift. Plus, it's not as hard to wait when I'm hungry knowing another feeding is just around the corner.
- I have protein with virtually every one of my 6-7 feedings a day.
- I avoid sugar, white flour, and most processed foods. I don't know why, but I get a lot hungrier and have more cravings when that junk is coursing through my body.
- I try to do some cardio right after my lifting whenever possible. For some reason cardio seems to counter-act the hunger that the weight lifting causes to a large degree. Don't know why this is, but the fact is that doing this has helped.
I've also found that after several weeks of lifting the tendency to be so blessed hungry decreases greatly. Now, I really only battle it when my hormones are messing with me.
Admittedly, being hungry because of lifting can seem counter-productive and be a real mental mind-game when you are trying to be fit. But if you can work your way through it, the benefits of lifting heavy make the journey well worth it. And you'll feel better about yourself for having persevered.
- I drink massive amounts of water. I mean, on average a gallon a day. Often more.
- I eat 6-7 times a day, which breaks down to every 2-3 hours. Yes, I know this is something you hear to do all the time, and I used to roll my eyes every time I heard it because I was so sick of the same advice all the time, but it really does help me to not be so ravenous when I lift. Plus, it's not as hard to wait when I'm hungry knowing another feeding is just around the corner.
- I have protein with virtually every one of my 6-7 feedings a day.
- I avoid sugar, white flour, and most processed foods. I don't know why, but I get a lot hungrier and have more cravings when that junk is coursing through my body.
- I try to do some cardio right after my lifting whenever possible. For some reason cardio seems to counter-act the hunger that the weight lifting causes to a large degree. Don't know why this is, but the fact is that doing this has helped.
I've also found that after several weeks of lifting the tendency to be so blessed hungry decreases greatly. Now, I really only battle it when my hormones are messing with me.
Admittedly, being hungry because of lifting can seem counter-productive and be a real mental mind-game when you are trying to be fit. But if you can work your way through it, the benefits of lifting heavy make the journey well worth it. And you'll feel better about yourself for having persevered.
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