Here I am..... AGAIN!

Okay, I have a big confession: As of this morning I am at 160.4 pounds. This is about 3 pounds over where I was allowing myself to be for the purpose of muscle gain, 8 pounds over the top of where I would like to "normally" be, and 12 pounds over where I would truly like to hold my weight on a permanant basis.

There is a bit of a history to this: I started German Volume Training (you can read about it here: http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/luis13.htm ) almost 6 weeks ago in an effort to gain some muscle in my legs, chest, and delts. I was only going to do this for 6 weeks, so this is the last week. At any rate, bodies tend to gain muscle better when they are carrying a little extra weight, so I made the choice to allow myself to hover around 157. My plan was, and still is, to get through the training, then take a week off and start working on losing the weight in fairly short order. I had it worked out so that I could still weigh at Weight Watchers once a month, but had time to get down to my goal weight before I had to do my October weigh-in. Or so I thought. The thing is, I gained 3 pounds more than I had intended, and I'm having a real issue with getting it off. 3 pounds may not sound like a lot, but when you add it to the original planned gain, I'm getting off into some dangerous (for me) territory, here.

I know another part of the reason I am at this weight is because of PMS bloat (Sorry to any guys reading this), but the truth is that this isn't a good enough excuse, because my "normal" weight should be low enough to give wiggle room for this.

The fact is that the REAL reason I am up higher is that because I have let myself have a little too much of this here and that there, and it's adding up. And I've been eating more carbs lately, which really holds water and makes me look a lot "fluffier".

And I love baking! I've started doing that again. Of course, I always want to eat what I bake.....

It also hasn't helped that I have been struggling with finding a goal right now. I made the decision not to do figure competition, which I blogged about last. So I lost that goal.

Then I thought I'd found a photographer to do fitness photos on my 44th birthday, but he started showing signs of not being very reliable, and was going to charge me a pretty penny. (As a friend of mine said "That's a lot of cheese for 2 hours of time in front of the camera!") I felt uneasy about using him for my photos.

So I've been a bit adrift, not feeling anything looming over me as far as a goal.

Regardless of the excuse (and these are all excuses), the fact is I am simply too heavy right now. It not only shows on the scale, but also in the mirror.

So I'm back to the old grindstone of being in weight-loss mode.

I guess for now, weekly weigh-ins with Weight Watchers will have to be motivation enough. And next week I WILL BE weighing in, regardless of whether I have to pay dues for being over my goal or not. With WW the highest I can be is 157 (dressed, or course). So unless I lose about 5 1/2 pounds in the next 5 days, I'll be shelling out $12 in dues next Tuesday.

Yay.

Additionally, as much as I would like to work with a nutritionist again, budget won't allow it, so I'm on my own. It's a LOT harder to self-diagnose than it is to help others, I am finding. But I'm giving it a shot......

Here's my game plan:
- Keep up my lifting and cardio. Honestly, it'd be hard to do much better in this department than I already am. Lack of exercise is NOT why I am where I am. Diet is.
- I'm going to clean up my food choices. Refined carbs are going to all but leave my diet.
- I'm back to a minimum of a gallon of water a day. Water. Not unsweetened tea w/ Splenda. Water.
- I will continue to log my food by writing it down in my WW Journal.
- I will go back to weekly weigh-ins with Weight Watchers, and will continue to do this every week for eternity, as well as continue to stay for the meetings.
- Daily weigh-ins at home until I am down to where I want to be, and I will daily change my weight on the tracker here on Spark to reflect that number.

So here I am, a little back slidden, but not defeated.

Onward and up......er....... DOWNward!!!!!!!!