I haven't blogged in quite a while- I allowed someone to take the wind out of my sails for a bit, and I am sorry about that.......
Recently I had several inconsiderat things said to my about my choice to live a fit lifestyle. It cut me to the quick, so I reached out to other fit people I know and was surprised to find out that every single one of them had been through similar things, usually many times over. I thought a blog about this might be prudent because the fact is that if you are going to choose to lead an improved lifestyle, the odds are that you are going to be met with similar comments and situations, as well.
First of all, take into consideration the physical state of the person making the comments. If they are someone who is not in ideal shape, themselves. give that consideration before taking their comments to heart.
In light of this it stands to reason that, as my husband says, your success is probably making what they feel are their own shortcomings glaringly apparant to them. So it's more than likely a feeling of inadequacy with themselves that leads them to say cruel or unreasonable things to you, not a true criticism of you. So in a way they are acknowledging that they recognize your success. For this reason, it can be taken as an off-handed compliment, if you can muster the inner strength to view it that way.
Also, bear in mind that it is NEVER your fault that someone else is not doing well in the weight loss and fitness game. Your success cannot possibly be the reason for their non-success, regardless of how someone tries to justify it. It is human nature to want to blame others for our own problems, so please keep that in mind when your share of criticism hits you.
Keeping all of this in mind, it's a delicate thing to know how to handle these situations. We certainly don't want to drive people further away from changing their lives for the healthier, but on the other hand we shouldn't be targets for their frustrations, either. I asked my friends who have also dealt with this how they handle these situations and the best suggestion yet came from my friend Tia. She said that when critical things are said to her, she simply asks them "Why do you say that?" This is, in my humble opinion, a brilliant strategy because it does the multiple purpose of getting the spotlight off of you, finding out where they are coming from on the off chance you might be able to help them, and getting them to reflect on their own motives. And when done kindly, it lets them see you care about their feelings. People can't grow when they feel attacked. Quite frankly, I wish I'd of handled the criticisms that came my way in this manner.
Another perfectly acceptable strategy (this works particularly well when the criticism comes in a written form) is to say nothing at all. You are under no obligation to answer a question just because someone asked it or reply to a statement just because someone said it. And often silence says far more than words ever could.
Also, if I had it to do all over again I wouldn't handle ANYthing by Email, letter, or text. This is a good way to get all parties extremely upset, since your tone of voice can't be factored into the words and they can be taken in a way they were never meant. I'd suggest, if you feel the need to communicate with someone who has written you in some way that you send them your phone number and tell them you'd much rather speak to them about it personally. Chances are they will never call and the issue will die down, but if they do your meaning and caring will come across in your voice. Also, people on both sides of the equation will usually type things they would never say with their voices, so for issues where it could get emotional actual talking really is the best way to go.
I hope this helps. If you are changing your health for the better and have not run into this issue yet trust me, it's coming. Often from the least expected people. Sometimes you will find that those you thought would be your biggest allies in your transformation will wind up being your biggest adversaries, and vice verse. It's painful when it happens and you can't know who will say what when, but it will almost always surprise you. If you are mentally ready for it you will hopefully be able to handle it with more grace and dignity than I did.
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