Love Yourself in Your Current Condition

It's really hard to help someone you don't like. Wouldn't you agree?

So why then do we say cruel things to ourselves?

When I stopped criticizing myself for being fat, I started losing weight.

My reasoning for saying negative things to myself was, in part, that I didn't want to like myself where I was and get comfortable at an unhealthy weight. But it backfired: My subconscious believed I was as worthless as I was telling myself I was, and I lost the gumption to do the hard work needed to make myself healthy again.

It was a struggle to stop the negative self-talk, both in my head and out loud. The things in my head, of course, I said to myself. The things out loud I said to others about myself. Most of the time. Sometimes I would actually look into the mirror and berate myself out loud for how overweight I'd become. Hard to admit, but it's true. Regardless, my subconscious heard all of it and took it to heart. (Or brain, as the case may be.)

I had to learn to interrupt myself and replace the negative thoughts with positive ones. Here are a few examples:

- When I would look in the mirror and think "Look at what you have let yourself become! You are disgusting!", I made myself stop the thought and would say (out loud if possible) "No, I am not disgusting. I have weight to lose, but I am worth the long journey it will take to get there, and I will come out a better person for it."

- When I thought "I am NEVER going to be able to lose all this weight!", I would stop myself and say "It is entirely possible to lose this weight and I am totally worth the time and effort it will take."

- When I would say to myself "There is not one redeemable part of my body left" I would interrupt myself and say "I have beautiful eyes and wonderful hair. My hands are lovely and thin. My waist is small in comparison to the rest of me and I have a feminine shape. I may not be as thin as I want, but I am going to get there and look beautiful as I do."

It felt kinda silly, but it worked. Soon after I started doing this, I found the determination within me to start the journey towards being thin and healthy again. And throughout the journey I have had to remind myself that although the road was long, I was NOT going to quit and it was worth the deprivation, time, hunger, and hard work put in at the gym.

I thought I had mastered this, but then my trainer, Ruben, called me on the carpet for negative comments I had made about myself that I wasn't aware were negative. I just thought they were realistic. He told me that I was going to sabotage my own efforts if I didn't stop it. It was hard to hear, and at first I bristled, but then I let it soak in and took the advice to heart.

He probably doesn't realize the valuable lesson I learned that day: There is a difference between being full of yourself and loving yourself. The former is a sin. The latter is a blessing.

Now that I am ounces away from my off-season goal weight I can tell you one thing for sure: Every last minute of the struggle, both mentally and physically, was worth it.

YOU are worth it. YOU deserve to be loved by YOU.

Stopping negative self-talk is paramount to losing weight. Beating yourself up accomplishes nothing positive. Sometimes we are the only positive voice we have. So listen to yourself loving yourself. Your sense of self-worth and desire to change for the better will follow. I promise.