The Gift of Self-Forgiveness

In my last blog I started out by saying that it's hard to help someone you don't like. Wouldn't you agree it's just as hard to help, or be good to, someone who continually holds a grudge against you?

For me, self-forgiveness was just as important as talking positively about myself. I needed to forgive myself for the mistreatment I'd committed against my body in the first place.

I've heard it said that you can't change what you won't acknowledge. I've found this to be true, so for me the first step came in admitting that I'd done this to myself, not anyone else:

-I couldn't blame my kids because I had to cook for them all of the time.

-I couldn't blame my husband because he took me out to eat all the time, brought ice cream home, and his favorite activities to do with me were sedentary.

-I couldn't blame my mother because she forced me to clean my plate when I was a kid or my grandma because she fed me goodies to the point where I wanted to vomit when I was young.

The fact is that I was fat and out of shape because I had not used self-control or good judgment in a myriad of circumstances over a long period of time.

Once I arrived at the firm conclusion that my overweight body was MY fault, I started to experience a lot of anger towards myself. I was plain old mad that I'd let myself get into the condition I was in. This went on for quite some time, but I finally came to the conclusion that it was time to forgive myself for getting into rotten shape. I literally had in inner dialogue with myself that went something like this:

"I am sorry, Body, for what I have put you through after all you have done for me. You have carried, delivered into this world, and nursed four other human beings. You have taken me through boot camp and seen me through abusive relationships. You have put up with me under-exercising and not only over-feeding you, but feeding you garbage. You've sustained me throughout life, and I am sorry for abusing you."

Yep, another silly conversation with myself, but one that I felt was necessary.

I'm not going to say that the changes came quickly or instantly, but because of being able to forgive myself I was able to grasp the concept of positive self-talk (blog prior to this) and begin to move on and genuinely embrace the other aspects of getting fit.

If you are anything like me, you won't be able to forgive yourself all at once. Like positive self-talk, self-forgiveness takes time. But forgiveness is a choice, whether towards yourself or another human being. Once you have started the process of forgiveness you will start to move ahead in the journey of getting fit: Good things will follow.